What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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