please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
