nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
