I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
