he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
