I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
