I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
