I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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