i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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