i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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