He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
