I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
