my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
