WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
