Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
