Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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