Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
