zippers are such a cool invention
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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