I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
