Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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