Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
