My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
