4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
