I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
