take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
