dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
