end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
