It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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