ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
