You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
