I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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