I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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