So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
