When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
