I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
