He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
