I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
