I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
