Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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