marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
