Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
