i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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