she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
