it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
