I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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