Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
