She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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