Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
