Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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