If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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