Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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