You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
