No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
