I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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