dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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