Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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