I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
