So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
