i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
