Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
