What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
