Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
