He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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