I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
