My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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